DAY 238

SEX & MARRIAGE part 2

IT IS OK, JUST RELAX

Psalm 119:1-88 and 1 Corinthians 7

Yesterday was rather a long post on “Sex & Marriage.” I labeled it part 1 and most of it was about sex, and why the Bible teaches that sex is appropriate within marriage. Today we turn more to the “marriage” part of this theme. It is interesting to note that we have come to the longest Psalm in the Bible, Psalm 119. It is so long you are only reading half of it today. It is a Psalm that praises the Law, and so it is a little fitting that we are talking about the “why” behind one of the important laws, that of marriage.

As I said yesterday, these subjects can be painful. Many of us are divorced, know someone divorced, and may have been affected by divorce within our family. It is hard to escape and when the church talks about it people often feel judged, or guilt, or shame. Let’s set that aside and acknowledge there is pain, real pain, and I want to suggest that is one of the reasons the Bible is so in favor of marriage and staying married…God is not interested in you going through painful experiences. All of what I am saying is not meant to justify people trapped in abusive marriages and the rest, those situations require dramatic action. No, my remarks tend more towards the ideal, which is what the Scriptures speak to in 1 Corinthians 7  

·         Verses 1-7 speak to life within marriage

·         Verses 8-16 speak to marriage and divorce

·         Verses 17-24 speak to staying the way you were called

·         Verses 25-31 speak to whether a person should remain unmarried

·         Verses 32-40 speak the reality that being married brings responsibility

There are a few threads that run through this chapter, one is responsibility. Anyone who is married knows of it. It will take time and energy, and Paul, who wants nothing to get in the way of him spending all his energy for God notes that he prefers it not, but also calls that a gift. I know a few priests that have the gift of celibacy. They have amazing time and capacity for their parishioners: it is a gift and not everyone has it.

Onto marriage I would note that Paul begins by saying he is answering a question. We don’t know the question, but be aware he may be less giving us his full theology of marriage and instead be providing an answer to a specific question.  His answer involves sex and his answer is that each, husband and wife, have authority over each other’s bodies – no male dominance in that sentence. His point of course is in marriage you need to be in the business of “giving to the other” and not “getting from the other.” If both spouses keep themselves outwardly oriented then things go well.

Turning now to “getting married” and “becoming divorced” we read a rather modern idea…it is ok to stay single. How many young people, especially women in days gone by, have felt the pressure to marry? Paul is saying, “It is ok, stay celibate and serve the Lord!” He is also saying, “If you would like to not be celibate then get married.” You might wonder why he is saying these things. Two realities exist in this first century world – and they are diametrically opposed. First, the pressure to marry and remarry quickly…it was real. There was also the pressure to stay celibate, to practice it as a spiritual piety, in that you ability to be celibate would someone be a measure of just how spiritual you were—so if you had “passions” you might be viewed as “less of a spiritual person.” Paul is saying, be free of these nonsensical judgments and be yourself within the calling of the Christian life.

Regarding divorce he really only has two verses, 10-11. Read them carefully. He says you should not get divorced. That is it up to this point. How many people have said that to other people, “You shouldn’t do it.” Or “Have you gone to counseling?” Or “Have you really tried?” The list could go on.  When you carefully look at the Scripture, what Paul has said in these first 11 verses is quite reasonable…things you would probably say!

Turning to verses 12-16 we come up against the issue of a person married to someone who does not share their beliefs…in this case Christian beliefs. It is easy to get lost in all the language of “holiness,” but let’s just pause for a moment. We have all heard of mixed marriages. In my opinion the most difficult mixed marriage is one over religion. Religion deals with the deepest beliefs of the human heart. Beliefs that when a couple is hit by a storm will be needed to get through it. Imagine a couple—one believes in God and one does not—imagine that couple having a tragedy come upon them. One wants to turn one way and the other a completely different way. At a time when they need each other they find that they have a completely different view of the world. Rather than hold and console one another, they are driven apart because their deepest beliefs pull them in different directions. “Mixed marriages” are not issues when you are deciding dinner, or a vacation, or even a home to buy…however they often break apart in storms…at the time when you most need each other, you find you cannot be there for the other…it is terrible. Paul’s view goes beyond this explanation. He sees that the non-believer is in eternal jeopardy (and so do I) and therefore his comments address that situation as well.

The rest of the chapter follows another thread (I suggested there were several)… “I want you to be free from anxieties” (v.32) suggests he is finding people who are uptight about all the possible situations between married, unmarried, widowed, engaged…Stop worrying and be free in the Lord…live for the Lord. That is what this chapter is saying.

Now I want to ask you a question. Before we slowed down and parsed the 40 some verses into their 5 different sections, I am guessing that you were grimacing over what “the Bible” was going to say about divorce. It is actually fairly straightforward; in fact this entire chapter, albeit a bit broad as it covers the waterfront, takes a very common sense approach. “If you love God, and you know God loves you, then stop sweating: if you are married—stay married; if you are single and want to get married—then get married; if you are single and want to stay celibate—then stay celibate; if you find yourself in any circumstance—then be at peace with it as you go and serve the Lord…like I said…a lot of common sense!